Fulminate Against My Life

I dream of running away from my house. I want to leave this county, this state. Just take all of the money I have, and explore the world. I miss seeing places I’ve never been to and having the freedom to explore. The last time I’ve experienced this is July when I was in Florida with my aunt and cousins and we went to this resort near the top of Florida and my aunt’s friend and her kids. This first place I would go would probably be… East, toward the Sierras. I’ve been to the mountains before, and I love the smells, and the views. People always tell me how lucky I am to live where I live, and how beautiful the hills and views are, but I think they’re boring. Probably because I’ve hiked these trails my whole life, I’ve seen the same views for fifteen years, and the same million-dollar houses, and I want to see something else, I want to see a view where the hills are always green and never yellow. Yellow hills are hideous, they smell like heat, and it burns my nose. The beach is beautiful, but the one’s I’ve been to are the mainstream ones. I want to go to a hidden one, one where very few people go. That sounds like the best day ever. I imagine going with my friends, but the very few friends I do have either wouldn’t want to go, or would be unable to go because they live too far away from me. I thought that I would have more friends here, be happier, but if anything, I think I’m sadder. They’re are only two  people that I can have a decent conversation with and not want to bang my head against the table because of their ignorance. I wish that I was more accepting of other people, but being gifted does have its downsides. Actually, it has a lot of downsides, I can’t think of any upsides, other then the fact that I don’t annoy the upper class men. I look at the middle schoolers that are only 50 yards away and I wish that I was back in middle school, where everything was less complicated, and even though I thought I was sad, I was actually happy (I know it’s confusing, I don’t understand it either). I had a dream last night, that I was with everybody from elementary school, and I was still in eighth grade, and I remember telling myself, that I had to savor every moment that I had with them because our days together were numbered. I woke up, and I felt my heart collapse in on itself, because I haven’t seen them since June. I’ve seen them every now and then, but it’s not the same. I wish that I talked to one of them when I saw him at the market near my house. But I was afraid that i would be teased by my father because my dad has teased me about him and his friend that I liked them, when in fact I never had crush in them in my whole life. So I let him go, and I don’t know the next time I will see him, if I ever see him again. I really hope I see him again.


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